HOW THEY ARE
Just to Be Sure
No one expected or expects, you to recognize this kind of manipulation or to understand why someone whom you loved freely would want to control you. Please keep reading, just to be sure it’s not happening- because people don’t see the invisible dots for years. They are harmed up to the day they see them, and once they see them, they can’t be unseen. Keep reading to make sure.
The 1st Invisible Dot ,you didn’t see
is that you are becoming, or have become, isolated from people whom you trusted. It’s worth saying again: Isolated from those whom you knew you could trust, who knew you, who would be your sounding board, give you your own perspective back to you, based on knowing you, loving you, and “having your back”. But because it would be a perspective different from your ” significant other” they have to be removed from your life in order for your relationship to continue. It is vital that we have trusted sounding boards in our life to help us be the best version of ourself with our own free will.
Someone who is healthy and good for you
will not pick a fight with or be rude to your friends or family. To respect you, they will support you in having these relationships even if they aren’t easy.. Please read our blogs for information on what healthy vs unhealthy people do. The key is knowing both and examining your relationship carefully. Before you are emotionally harmed.
At first, you might, question if the invisible dots are there and be afraid to leave “the best love of your life” that has given you so much attention and love. ( google: ” love bombing” ). “The tough thing about a relationship with invisible dots is that they often run only on hope.”
How They Are
They seem like a prince, or princess, of your dreams. These people present themselves as kind, soft-spoken, and gentle, and then eventually you will notice they are also arrogant and off-putting. When they are secure that you most likely won’t leave, you will feel blindsided by just how hurtful they can be to you or those you care about.
They’ll say they have Aspergers Syndrome, maybe a lack of social skills, to any other number of reasons at first to excuse their behavior. Once you are invested, they will eventually say they are not the problem, but you are. I don’t care what reason they give you for their actions, and words, being hostile. It is wrong. When your family and friends are disrespected it is disrespectful to you.
They can not change. They do love you- the way they can. Their love is not restorative. It does not uplift and encourage you.
Through a number of covert tactics, they will make you change everything about yourself.
Is it a love you really want to live with- but die to yourself?
It will not end with you being filled with inner peace and self-confidence. Please trust me on this. You deserve Real love.
ASK YOURSELF:
Do I have more inner peace and happy thoughts, or more anxiety, since I’ve been with them? Do I feel more confident in myself or less?
Do I hear myself filled more with positive, uplifting thoughts or more negativity since I’ve been around them?
Do I have unexplained pains or symptoms of inflammation in my body since I’ve met them?
Do I worry more about things I didn’t worry about before? Am I confident in my own thoughts and feelings? Am I confused about things and I hadn’t ever really been confused before?
Examine the Details
Something is just a little off
But you aren’t sure what it is. You may distrust your instinct, rationalize what you see. And because you don’t have your trusted “sounding boards”, you are confused when you first start thinking that something isn’t right.
You are smart. You are loving.
You don’t want to be wrong, leave this great love, and ruin your life. If you think something is wrong, it probably is. It’s ok that you didn’t see the signs, or dots, before. They are covert, invisible. It’s not your fault.
The only way to handle the dots
is to leave. Leave quietly. Go to someone you can trust and ask them for quiet support while you get help sorting out your own thoughts. I recommend at least 22-26 weeks of being reconnected with your family and friends again, away from your significant other entirely. Be alone with your own thoughts. Hear your own inner voice.
Here’s what one woman said :
“Somehow they convince you to listen to your head, listen to your heart, but not to listen to your gut.
It takes extraordinary magic for someone like me to tune out my gut…”
HELPFUL HINT: Do not attempt to discuss it with your significant other.
When you are trying to calm yourself down after experiencing unacceptable behavior, remind yourself that they act this way because it is literally how they are wired, and not because of anything you did or did not do. Repeat this phrase in your head: “It doesn’t matter if they get it. I get who they are and what’s important is that I will no longer allow myself to be treated this way.”
What you will feel compelled to do is to discuss, defend, and get them to see what you are saying and to apologize and make it right somehow. They won’t. They will not change.
What is happening has changed your neurochemicals and you are going to have all kinds of emotions. Most people, on average, leave 7 times before leaving for good. That doesn’t have to be you. Some people decide their mind, heart, and emotions are worth protecting and leave before it gets back.
If you find yourself wanting to discuss how something about your relationship wasn’t or isn’t fair, remind yourself that the concept is meaningless to them and that this is yet another reason the fairest thing you can do for yourself is to move on. Do not apologize to them in an attempt to reason with them, to get on the same page, or because you think they will then apologize in kind. This will only backfire on you.
It will not end with you being filled with inner peace and self-confidence. Please trust me on this. You deserve Real love.
READ ABOUT THE NEUROCHEMICAL DISRUPTION THAT HAS BEEN TIEING YOU UP through the subtle covert tactics of emotional manipulation.
THIS ISNT A JUST A DIFFICULT RELATIONSHIP, THIS IS SERIOUS, AND IT IS A CRIME IN OTHER COUNTRIES. KEEP READING TO MAKE SURE IT ISN’T HAPPENING TO YOU. SOMETHING WAS WRONG PODCAST. THERE IS A PREDICTABLE PATTERN.
National Domestic Violence Hotline
provides lifesaving tools and immediate support to enable victims to find safety and live lives free of abuse. Callers to The Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) can expect highly trained, experienced advocates to offer compassionate support, crisis intervention information, educational services, and referral services in more than 200 languages. Visitors to this site can find information about domestic violence, online instructional materials, safety planning, local resources, and ways to support the organization